So this stag walked into a bar…
posted by alesha in Wine Industry
Recently I got to thinking… What’s the proper protocol for ordering wine on a date?
Here’s what precipitated this… Last week I had dinner at City Crab with my date- let’s call him Tom- who knew little (read: nothing) about wine. Seemed like the only thing he did know was that wine was made from grapes. As we sat down the waiter appeared, asking if we wanted the wine list. We did. He then handed it to Tom (why did he just automatically hand the list to the guy?), who gazed at me shyly and pleaded, “I must admit… I don’t really drink wine- would you pick one for us?”
I welcomed Tom’s honesty and selected a Stag’s Leap 2003 Sauvignon Blanc. I like to drink Sauvignon Blanc with seafood and, since Tom’s from
Worst of all, Tom couldn’t understand why I was upset. I told him that I felt the waiter had overlooked me. I felt like a girl in a boys’ club. I understand that sometimes men do the ordering, but Tom’s thinking troubled me. He told me he saw nothing wrong with the waiter’s actions “because the guy usually pays anyway.” (!!!)
Then he proceeded to tell me that I was overreacting and making a big deal out of nothing.
It all boils down to this. Does the one who pays also earn the right to control the ordering of the wine and food? If so, then where does that leave me, and the multitude of other women who feel uncomfortable pretending to be helpless around men (at least when it comes to the wine lists)?
When ordering wine, are women to let the guys do the ordering, or should we assert ourselves? If my date admits to knowing nothing about wine, should I just sit there and smile serenely while he struggles with the selection? It just doesn’t make sense. It is quite a conundrum and I’d like to hear from all of you- have you been in this situation and how have you dealt with it?