I’m going to try and avoid the sexism conversation as much as possible, although I’d love to drop a great controversial sound bite and watch traffic to the blog spike! But I will say that I have a very honest and objective opinion about sexism: I feel it actually goes both ways a lot more often than people realize.

That said, let’s ignore the waiter, as he’s probably absolved by virtue of his essentially standing on tradition and doing what he’s trained to do - right, wrong, or indifferent. The bigger picture here is (at least as it pertains to wine) what’s the ordering protocol?

The answer to your question is order away! You’ve earned the right, so by all means go for it and no man should ever feel threatened. BUT… just keep in mind there’s a very foggy definition of how men are “expected” to behave in this day in age, and it gets foggier by the day since there are a lot of mixed messages between what is considered chivalrous and what is considered sexist. What Tom said about being offered the list because the guy usually pays was obviously ham-handed and should never have come out of his mouth at a dinner table… but that doesn’t mean it’s not a fair point. There is still (like it or not) an expectation placed on men for those types of things (picking up tabs, etc). So it’s only reasonable to assume that part of that expectation is also going to be the responsibility/privilege/luxury of making the decisions that go along with it. Is it an outdated and somewhat sexist mentality? No question about it, yes. But ignoring the double-edged sword probably isn’t fair either.

So: Tom gets a thumbs down for being a fool; women feeling encouraged and comfortable ordering the wine for the table gets a thumbs up; and lost in the shuffle is all the grey area about chivalry, sexism, and what the consequences are of their ever blurring line… it’s a tough one all-around, but makes for great chatter over a favorite bottle of wine (<– try it… it’s worth every penny!)